Have you ever known that a man was bad news, but you watched him enter relationship after relationship never saying a word as an unsuspecting new woman becomes part of his life? Maybe you didn’t say anything because of who the man is. Maybe you didn’t say anything because you believe the lie that we tell ourselves that, “she won’t listen anyway.” Or maybe you didn’t say anything because you believe it’s not your place to do so. Have you been that silent woman? I have. And no, this is not a rant by a scorned woman. This is a reflection on verses of scripture that involve Sisera’s mother and her complicity in that male leader’s abuse of women.
The prophet and judge, Deborah, sings about Sisera’s mother in the song Deborah sang after the brave, Jael killed Sisera. In Judges 5:28-30 NRSVUE, Deborah sang,
“Out of the window she peered; the mother of Sisera gazed through the lattice: ‘Why is his chariot so long in coming? Why tarry the hoofbeats of his chariots?’ Her wisest ladies make answer; indeed, she answers the question herself: ‘Are they not finding and dividing the spoil? A woman or two for every man; spoil of dyed stuffs for Sisera, spoil of dyed stuffs embroidered, two pieces of dyed work embroidered for my neck as spoil?’ So perish all your enemies, O Lord! But may your friends be like the sun as it rises in its might.”
How could a woman be so immune and callus regarding the suffering of other women? How could she sit by her window waiting for her “two pieces of dyed work embroidered for my neck” while she knows and suspects that other women are being ravished and dehumanized as part of “the spoil” from a battle won? Sisera’s mother has no regard for these women. She does not see her position as one of influence where she could expect something different from her son. She does not even listen to, what we can infer by Deborah’s choice of words, the wise counsel of “her wisest ladies,” but instead “answers the question” she poses for herself. Telling herself what benefits her. Giving concern only to her own enrichment. She doesn’t even consider that her son may have been killed. And certainly, she cannot imagine that her son, the warrior, was killed by a woman! She is only concerned that he is taking too long in his pillaging. Too long in getting her the gift she believes she deserves. Tarrying in finding and dividing the spoil, including finding and dividing the women for himself and his men. She condones the ravishing of women by her son and his warmongering men.
Why are there women like this? Women who care only for themselves, and for their own adornment and enrichment, even if it costs the lives and wellbeing of other women?
Deborah calls this out. She brings the attitude and ego of Sisera’s mother to the forefront, not allowing the callousness of this woman’s concern only for her own enrichment to go unnoticed and unchecked. Unlike too many of us, again, I must include myself here, Deborah does not remain silent about female participation in patriarchy. She does not ignore the fact that too often it is a woman who enables and promotes the ravishing, torture, dehumanization, oppression and enslavement of other women.
This past week, I watched a docuseries on Netflix titled, “Death of the Pastor’s Wife.” It is the story of the death of Mica Miller, a pastor’s wife in Myrtle Beach, S.C. It is the story of a Christian woman who was married to a Christian man who was a leader in a Christian church, but who also had a history of manipulation and mistreatment. I will not say much more about the story here, except that there were women in that church and community who knew the truth about that pastor and leader. There were women who watched his actions and knew about his past who “gazed through the lattice,” watching for what was to come without speaking up for Mica or any of the other women who were, and are, subject to this man’s “finding and dividing of the spoil.” Women who have attended each of his marriages. . . .
But the women in that South Carolina community are not alone. They have never been alone. They are part of too large a number of women who participate in the oppression of other women. Politically, socially, economically, and sadly, spiritually and theologically, women peer as other women are hurt and, ultimately, killed at the hands of systemic patriarchy that says women are objects to be manipulated and used up for the play and enjoyment of men. Sisera’s mother is no worse than the many of us who silently watch as our sisters are humiliated, battered, denied the dignity of basic life needs like protection, food, shelter, jobs and income, and quality health care, and way too often, killed.
For as long as we simply peer out our windows, watching news stories and docuseries recounting the misfortune of countless women all over this country and the world, while we wait for the measly “two pieces of dyed work embroidered for [our] necks,” remaining silent and benefitting from their oppression, we are complicit and ultimately wait in vain. Let us instead be like the prohet and judge, Deborah, who use her voice to speak as an enemy of oppressors. Let us fight against all aspects of patriarchy, no matter who our oppressed sister is, and no matter what speaking out may cost us. Then, we, together, will be God’s friends who are “like the sun as it rises in its might.”
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