Exploring Narcissistic Traits Among Christian Leaders

WIT welcomes Becky Garrison as a guest poster. Becky was a Senior Contributing Editor to the religious satire magazine, The Wittenburg Door, from 1994 to 2008, and has served on their Board of Directors since the outlet’s relaunch in 2021. She utilizes her MDiv/MSW from Yale/Columbia (1992) coupled with the latest research into narcissism and religious trauma to target those unbiblical bullies that cast profits over prophecy. With her latest book, Distilled in Washington: A Guided History (The History Press, 2024), she appears to have made a switch from covering the Holy Spirit to distilled spirits.

Recent years have witnessed the rise of the #churchtoo movement, a grassroots movement highlighting abuses in church settings ranging from fundamentalist preachers to very progressive pastors. In response, online sites such as Kathy Escobar, Naked Pastor, Brad Sargent (aka Futurist Guy), Warren Throckmorton, and Wenatchee the Hatchet point to a growing awareness of narcissistic abuses impacting the US Church, and by default, the United States as a whole.

Author and licensed therapist Chuck DeGroat describes in his book When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse, how churches are particularly susceptible to aa phenomenon he terms “collective narcissism.” In these settings, the charismatic leader/follower relationship is understood as a given.

According to Sargent, self-serving narcissistic leaders are adept at leveraging the hopes and fears, desires and ideals, grievances and values of potential followers. They understand their audience and capitalize on such intangibles to create a magnetic connection that draws people into their trap. Those vulnerable due to life-changing circumstances (e.g., rejection by a church, relocation, failed relationship) are especially susceptible to pseudo-relational love-bombing that binds them to narcissistic leaders of high-demand control systems that keep such leaders enthroned.

Defining Narcissism

What exactly is narcissism and how does it differ from being self-centered? After all, the U.S. culture glorifies the selfie, with one’s status determined by how well they are liked and followed on social media.

Comedian Merrill Markoe describes narcissists as people who “cover up feelings of shame and worthlessness inflicted during their own screwy childhoods by doing whatever it takes to maintain a false sense that they are very special and therefore not bound by ordinary rules.” She offers an insightful explanation for why they act in this manner:

Narcissists essentially live in a world that is one person big because they never fully outgrow a phase of infantile behavioral development in which baby thinks he and Mommy are the same person. When you are with a narcissist, their needs must become your needs. It’s not enough for a narcissist to be the center of his own world; he must also be the center of yours.

These are some traits most with narcissistic tendencies have in common:*

• They lack empathy, and feel uncomfortable with their emotional life.
• They are self-absorbed, always manage to make the conversation about themselves, and frequently interrupt others.
• They have a grandiose sense of self-importance, and will exaggerate their achievements and talents.
• They are hyper-competitive, ambitious, and compulsive with fantasies of unlimited success and a history of making important life decisions with little forethought.
• They believe that they are special or unique, and need to be the center of attention.
• They are preoccupied with how they are perceived by others, and seek out compliments while reacting to any criticism or contrary viewpoints with condescension and anger.
• They have a very strong sense of superiority and entitlement, and will make contemptuous remarks about other people behind their backs.
• They can come across as self-righteous and bulletproof during arguments, as they ridicule, shame, and humiliate their opponents.
• They cannot express compassion, lack interest in others’ feelings and experiences, and don’t respect boundaries.
• They are envious of others and think others are envious of them.
• They regularly display arrogant and abusive attitudes and behaviors.
• They are easily slighted and will explode with rage and go on the attack when hurt or frustrated with no insight into how their behavior impacts others.
• They are master manipulators who modify and distort the facts for personal gain, and exploit others’ weaknesses to get what they want.
• They engage in “splitting” by blaming negative outcomes on others while taking credit for positive and good outcomes.
• They can be seductive and manipulative, and tend to be overly jealous, controlling, and possessive.
• They lack self-control through actions such as overeating, drinking too much, spending beyond their means, abusing drugs, or engaging in inappropriate sexual relationships.
• Not every story a narcissist tells is one of victory. But in the stories of tragedy or failure, there’s an air of entitlement and victimization.

Those at the extreme end of the narcissistic scale, especially those who display sociopathic tendencies, lack any conscience or compassion and may in fact take delight in other’s suffering. In terms of Christian leaders, this definition translates into putting their own commercial success over extending Christlike compassion. Therefore, they focus on building up their platform and personal brand, in lieu of pastoring loving and caring communities.

Prevalence in Narcissism Among Christian Leaders

As I reported earlier at The Wittenburg Door’s Substack, people who exhibit many of these tendencies often find themselves on center stage in either in the pulpit or on the Christian conference stage, where much of this behavior is encouraged and rewarded. They convince those drawn to their charismatic persona and message promising them membership in a special tribe of “chosen” people, whereby spiritual blessings will come to those who buy into their message. The Christian media industry and its counterpart of the institutional church encourage this dynamic as they benefit from the money and publicity generated by these self-appointed and platform-anointed spiritual gurus.

In trying to assess the overall preponderance of narcissism among church leaders, the statistical evidence is thin in this regard. A paper titled “Frequency of Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Pastors: A Preliminary Study, Clergy and Narcissistic Personality Disorder” presented to the American Association of Christian Counselors on September 20, 2015 reported that pastors with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are to be found in all areas of the country at rates 400%-500% higher than are found in the general population (1%-6%). According to this study, spiritual narcissists can be found in every age and experience range, and in both sexes.

Most Christian leaders who possess these traits tend not to fit the clinical criteria for NPD as this diagnosis only applies when the person’s narcissistic traits reach a point to where their life becomes significantly impaired. For most narcissists, they possess enough charm and charisma that they are often exalted as visionary thought leaders and other exemplary terms by those who only focus on their glowing press releases and bank accounts. In other words, the very traits that render certain Christian leaders unable to form real human connections can catapult them into the media spotlight and turn them into Christian celebrities more tuned into TikTok than theology.

Enabling Versus Healthy Narcissism

Why then do people follow such leaders? Charismatic author/pastor/speakers draw followers to them Pied Piper style via tactics such as “love bombing” that is in fact a form of “trauma bonding,” a hormonal attachment caused by repeated abuse. Their teachings sprinkle in just enough outpouring of “love” gestures that they can continue to lure followers drawn to their promise of creating a new heaven here on earth.

In Dr. Craig Malkin’s 2015 book, Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad—and Surprising Good—About Feeling Special, he coins the term “echoism” to describe the pattern of enabling, which he based on Ovid’s Metamorphoses, a work that contains the myth of the cruel shepherd boy Narcissus and the forest nymph Echo.

In this story, Echo is cursed by Juno, the Roman goddess of love and marriage, to be an echo chamber for others. After seeing Narcissus hunting, Echo falls passionately in love with this beautiful youth, though due to her handicap, she can only repeat the words of others. When they meet he rejects her, and in despair over the loss of her unrequited love, Echo wastes away until only her voice remains. Meanwhile, Narcissus goes to quench his thirst in a stream. When he bends over and sees his reflection, he falls in love with this image not realizing it’s just a reflection of him. Once he recognizes his mistake, he too wastes away. Echo sees his demise and joins Narcissus in his final lament.

To break this cycle of enabling, Malkin describes the need to find a balance. He uses the term “healthy narcissism,” which he describes as feeling a little special. He observes, “This helps us see ourselves and those we love through slightly rose-colored glasses, remain resilient when we fail, feel passionate about what we love, and pursue our dreams even when they seem a bit beyond our reach. Regarding our interests and needs as important enough to let the world fall away and see where our desires take us is an important aspect of healthy narcissism.”

Moving from Controlling Church to Compassionate Communities

We need to identify and avoid controlling leaders and false community. We need to embrace empowering individuals and caring communities. How do we identify which is which? Brad Sargent recommends looking for spiritual communities whose leaders demonstrate the opposite characteristics found in toxic leaders. For example:

• They remain open to questions and concerns from all members instead of trying to lock their followers into a dictated, rigid belief system.
• They respect the time and talents of each member of the community instead of draining people with constant demands and then discarding them when they’re burned out.
• They role-model an all-of-us cooperation instead of forcing followers into constant zero-sum us-versus-them competition.
• Most importantly, these leaders have an accountability system in place that ensures power is distributed equally among all members so that all have a voice in the creation and curation of this community.

This practice that Sargent calls “the redemptive reversal” offers a practical starting point for turning this aforementioned list of destructive narcissistic traits into a constructive checklist for more safe and sustainable involvement. For example, instead of enabling abuse, the focus shifts to empowering survivors. Armed with these practical tools, individuals can begin to shift the focus from defending those in power to standing in solidarity with those impacted by toxic styles of leadership.

For more on this topic of narcissism among Christian leaders, see Becky’s recent podcast with Brad Sargent, available on Spotify and YouTube.

Image by Rosy / Bad Homburg / Germany from Pixabay.

* This list was culled from these books focusing on the topic of narcissism, psychopathy, and sociopathy: Joseph Burgo, The Narcissist You Know (Touchstone, 2015); Robert D. Hare, Without Conscience (Guilford Books, 1999); Aaron James, The Narcissist Next Door (Riverhead Books, 2014); Jason MacKenzie, Psychopath Free (Berkeley, 2015); Craig Malkin, Rethinking Narcissism (Harper Perennial, 2015); Martha Stout, The Sociopath Next Door (Harmony, 2006).