When I decided to apply as a WIT contributor, I was struggling a lot (and still am, to some extent) with finding a space where I felt safe to be transparent about my beliefs/doubts/critiques of Christianity and Catholicism specifically. Most of the faith-sharing groups that I’ve been a part of always felt like they were mostly composed of border-patrol Christians who always seem to operate out of fear and anxiety and would inevitably steer discussions into topics that weren’t very life-giving. It was hard for me not to feel compelled to re-rail conversations or to try to offer another perspective, but at the end of the day I would feel exhausted from having to choose my words so carefully.

Over the past year, I’ve taken a break from any type of ministry participation, aside from going to Sunday service or Mass (my family belongs to 2 church communities). Joining WIT Blog has given me a reason and an outlet to sort out my thoughts/feelings about the institutional church, as well as be an example of leadership and creativity for my daughters as a Filipino-American and woman in the Catholic Church.

I will (sheepishly) admit that when I started writing for WIT last summer, I was a lot more confident about the kinds of wise things I would add to the overall theological conversation. The year, however, has not unfolded in such a way, mainly because raising a family is hard work and I’m pretty sure I must have asked God for patience at some point because so many things just seem to take unbelievably long to change or grow.

One thing that remains the same is that, in some small way, WIT is my way of still showing up for a community, as minor as my contribution has been thus far. I write to remind myself that I’m not alone and to remind others that there are plenty of us who are just trying to figure things out — and that’s okay. I write to untangle the knots in my brain, the ones that have stubbornly caused me to realize that the old wineskins are no longer adequate, that the wandering I’ve been experiencing is in response to a call into the unknown, the same call that so many before us have had to answer: Abraham, Moses, Mary.

The fun, after all, happens in the figuring out, the in-between, in the turning of the gem and seeing all the facets of a Scripture verse, in the Midrash, in the exploration of the sacred all around us. And that through it all, God is with us.

A heartfelt thank you for allowing me to share this space with you.

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