At the time I applied to write for WIT, I was just finishing up my master’s degree. I was looking to write for non-academic audiences after four years of intense study that was rewarding but rather insulating. The odd part about this experience is that I’m usually very inclined toward insular activities. I had intended to continue on in academia (although with enormous trepidation given the current state of the university job market) and thought nothing of pursuing other types of theological work. But it was during seminary that this new longing emerged, one I couldn’t quite put into words at the time because it was new and foreign to me, but also familiar, like I had been progressing unknowingly towards some latent destiny.
Now, I would probably identify this as an altruistic impulse to serve others by fostering spiritual healing, or what Christians might consider the call to minister—something along those lines. I say impulse because the word minister is so bloated with specific connotations that reference very particular professional roles (priest, pastor, deacon, etc.) that contain but also obscure that basic spiritual instinct to serve. It’s an instinct that’s branded into the identity of these religious offices, but unfortunately, we find it difficult to uncouple ministry’s conceptual potential from its more concrete ecclesial baggage. For a while, I believed this idea that ministry was intrinsically wedded to these particular institutional manifestations, or at least never challenged myself to think otherwise.
Still, theology itself seemed unique to me in terms of being a discipline that self-consciously embraced both its academic and ministry “identities.” Even though a lot of people eventually commit to either of those tracks, a person could do also both, and have their scholarship and ministry experience enriched by each other. I thought blogging might be a way to draw from and bridge both of those rich traditions. Concurrently, theological sexism was increasing in evangelicalism, and I became increasingly disturbed by how it was being played out so publicly on the internet through social media and celebrity pastor figures. Even if you weren’t evangelical, the fact that certain people were so determined to diminish women’s leadership and spiritual authority made the whole dispute inescapable, and truthfully, it did hit at that newly-fermented call to ministry growing inside of me.
The irony of my involvement in these “gender wars” is that I actually had no formal ecclesial aspirations at all, whether it was becoming a pastor or “leading men” in any other capacity. When I look back at some of my earlier posts, I’m surprised how passionate I was about things I told myself never applied to me. Clearly, it was personal for me, despite thinking I could abstract myself from the discussion (since I had no plans to enter the pastorate anyway). How sorely mistaken I was, not only because what happens to other women within the body of Christ also happens to me, but because theological sexism is a versatile hermeneutic that has proven its applicability to a wide variety of issues both inside and outside the church, always finding ways of providing handy explanations to simplify many of our contemporary cultural anxieties.
I always found it inspiring to learn about the lives of individuals throughout Christian history who successfully integrated theological study and spiritual practice into their vocations. It was likewise inspiring to see how my classmates—most of whom were already “in the ministry”—worked to integrate their theological learning with their various ministry involvements. It seems to me that theology is one of the few theoretical disciplines left in the world that is self-conscious about this question of praxis. I don’t think I’ve met a single theologian who never thought once about the (possible) social and practical applications of their intellectual work, so I appreciate how theology promotes their holistic integration. We need liberatory theory, but we also need hands that are committed to enacting our theo-visions within the world. As I begin my training in spiritual care and counseling this fall, I’m reminded how joining WIT was a crucial step towards cultivating my growing desire to be faithful to the Christian tradition in this respect, and indeed to the life of Christ itself, in using knowledge and spiritual wisdom in service of others.
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