I discovered his name in 2008. I wish I could say that it came to me in a dream or vision, but in fact it came to me in one of those terrible mothering moments you probably should not admit to in public. I was dying to have a dog. I have been a dog person for as long as I can remember and I waited until my children were of the age which I could be assured that they had sufficient conscience that they would not ride him like a horse or maul him like a UFC fighter. Canon Law says that seven is the age of reason. I prudently waited one more year until my youngest was eight (just in case Canon Law was wrong) and then I went full-blown dog wild.
So the bad mothering bit is this: my son was then nine and was dead-set against the idea. He had never been around dogs much; perhaps he was afraid of them, but by the time we met our new puppy, he was having none of it. On the ride home he wailed, “I don’t want a dog.” I reasoned. I bribed. And then I pulled this one from my maternal arsenal: “But, Honey, YOU get to name the dog!” And so, our tiny Lhasa Apso, the one I wanted to baptize with a dignified and weighty name (like Augustin or Anselme), received the cliché appellation of countless canines of yesteryear, Scruffy.
But Scruffy grew into his name. And his name grew into him. He was the Alpha and the Omega of Scruffies. Although technically a toy dog, this guy would never submit himself to a decent grooming. His hair was matted before he left the groomer’s. His pronounced underbite was so lopsided that only one lower canine stuck menacingly out. And he was tough. He would try to take on all manner of enemies: plumbers, annoying houseguests, German Shepherds, slippers. There wasn’t one tree that that little dog didn’t feel obligated to mark. He was Scruffy.
Scruffy soon became for me the name of Dog. He would appear in countless sermons, in lecture illustrations; his image was sprinkled like stardust on all my social media. And soon just saying my Beloved’s name became half-summons, half-song of praise. I would say it over and over again to him because he loved to hear his name (who doesn’t?) and because his name said over and over again was, for me, an Alleluia Chorus.
Almost eleven joy-filled years after that car-ride, Scruffy began to decline. His liver was badly diseased. He became allergic to everything and was losing weight and muscle mass at an alarming rate. His back legs refused to cooperate until he could no longer climb stairs or walk more than a few steps. When I called his name he eventually ceased to come. The sing-song “Scruf-feeeeeee” now caught in my throat, and, as the final days approached, I could barely release it from my lips. I held him in my arms as he lay dying at the vet’s, with my now-adult daughter and son by my side. And I sang to him and I whispered his name to him one final time, “Go with Jesus, Scruffy.”
In the days that passed since his death, I find myself in an empty house rendered painfully silent by the ceasing of click-clack paws . I already strain to recall his hoarse bark. And in a futile effort to recreate just a few moments of the joy I once had, I tried to sing his name again, “Scruf-feeeeeeee,” but my voice sounded strange; I could no longer find the right note. I realize I will never say his name rightly again; that his proper name must now become silence, because to speak it now as I did back then is to ring hollow and false.
This is a terribly depressing realization… unless we think of the hair’s breadth that exists between silence and prayer. Pseudo-Dionysius reminds us of the impossibility of calling noisily or confidently to the Beloved, not because of his absence (or our despair), but because of God’s very transcendence, a transcendence that begets the praise of silence:
How then can we speak of the divine names? How can we do this if the Transcendent surpasses all discourse and all knowledge, if it abides beyond the reach of mind and being, if it encompasses and circumscribes, embraces and anticipates all things while itself eluding their grasp and escaping from any perception, imagination, opinion, name, discourse, apprehension, or understanding?
How can we enter upon this undertaking if the Godhead is superior to being and is unspeakable and unnameable?
—Pseudo-Dionysius, “The Divine Names,” 593 A-B
There are certain names—like God and Dog and Love and Death–that are too high for us; we cannot attain them. In such cases, the best form of speech is, in fact, silence—the stopping of our busy and noisy human words. For far beyond words–and even our most love-laden names–there exists a grace, which embraces and anticipates all things.
I like to think that this dog has entered into that nameless and encompassing grace.
Such a lovely paean to the ineffable sweetness our beloveds, God and Dog. Grief is love’s greatest tribute.
Thank you, Anna.
I grew up with a Lhasa apsi and he looks like scruffy! Greatest joy of my childhood. Loved reading this article. So sorry for your loss.
Thank you, Leslie. Lhasas are old and silly souls.
As I am not a dog person, I did not expect to be so moved by this. I also found it to be profound and intellectually rich. I will be chewing on this for awhile. Thank you.
Thank you, Katie.
This is really, really good and well written. I need a little help, I’m trying to understand Pseudo-Dionysius view point. Essentially he’s saying loved ones reach a certain level that silence is more valuable, as the deceased have transcended a level beyond human understanding and calling their name renders useless. I think is such a cool viewpoint, I just wanted to grasp it completely.
Thanks so much for reading and for the question, Chris. Yes–I think you are right.
But not so much that calling their name is useless so much as it is no longer appropriate–no longer the right note.
I think that Pseudo-Dionysius is saying that God is beyond all names and all concepts. I am agreeing with this, and also saying that love and death (and especially a loved one’s death) are also mysterious and beyond words. Because death separates us so fully from our loved ones, their name becomes impossible to speak rightly, because when we spoke to them before, their presence rounded out our words, gave them context and meaning, and most of all, a lived response. I believe that there is, however, a language beyond words and concepts which better communicates our love and devotion to them now that they are gone– and that is silence. Silence is not absence of words; it is a language or a prayer beyond words. Pseudo-Dionysius writes:
For the higher we soar in contemplation the more limited become our expressions of that which is purely intelligible; even as now, when plunging into the Darkness that is above the intellect, we pass not merely into brevity of speech, but even into absolute silence of thoughts and of words.
The mystics often speak of God’s hiddenness. I think P-D is seeking out the hidden God by entering more deeply into the mystery, more deeply into the darkness, and the silence.
On a personal note, the mystery of Scruffy’s death (and indeed the mystery of an animal’s inner life more generally) made me embrace silence because it seemed to require something quieter and less conceptual than my noisy voice, words, and concepts.
And one last note. Apart from all the boisterous play I wrote about, one of the greatest gifts of a dog is being able to be perfectly silent together, especially on walks. I have yet to meet a human who can sustain deep and loving silence the way a dog can.
So awesome! Such an incredible response! Thank you for providing such a deeper understanding.
“Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really.” – Agnes Sligh Turnbull
That was a beautiful eulogy for a beautiful friend. You were each lucky to have the other for the time allotted you.
Thank you. We were indeed.
This was a great article. Thank you.
A beautiful and true poem:
When God had made the earth and sky,
The flowers and the trees,
He then made all the animals,
The fish, the birds and bees.
And when at last He’d finished,
Not one was quite the same,
God said, “I’ll walk this earth of mine,
And give each one a name.”
And so He traveled far and wide,
And everywhere He went,
A little creature followed Him,
Until its strength was spent.
When all were named upon the earth,
And in the sky and sea,
The little creature said, “Dear Lord,
There’s not one left for me.”
Kindly the Father said to him,
“I’ve left you to the end,
I’ve turned my own name back to front,
And call you DOG, my friend.”
Lovely Scruffy. I can only respond in fragments. So moving. . .God bless you and your family 🙂
I’ve always had dogs. The dogs came before the kids, so the kids grew up with three of them. When the last of that canine family ended I was going to be dog=free, get out and about, not worry when I had a late meeting at work… I lasted three months before I was at the RSPCA rehoming centre.
We lost a dog last November after a prolonged fit. She was small white and scruffy – a cross between Jack Russell, Border terrier and Chinese crested, with a lot of fur, an underbite and a feisty character. She would have been four in January; she should have been with us for years.
Our other dog is an old Staffie who will be 16 this year. I have to go away for a couple of months; I hope she lasts out till I get home. Then we’ll find her a new housemate but, left to himself, my husband would have the newcomer sleeping on the bed and fat as Humpty Dumpty by my return.
Sounds like a life full of canine-love! Lucky dogs!
we don’t deserve dogs!
A post that touched my heart, we lost our staffy Daisy two and a half years ago. She was my first baby and saw me have real babies which she loved like her own. We now have another fur baby who is a mummys boy! There is no love like a dogs love. It is pure and holds no expectations.
Reblogged this on Assorted Ideas, Large & Small and commented:
This insightful essay touches on feelings many of us have had and struggled to manage emotionally.
My faithful companion and friend died last year. Though “only” a feline, that loss brought me more pain than I could easily hold within… And still does, whenever I think of it.
I am sorry for your loss.
On another level, I find your post very interesting: do animals have souls? I happen to believe so, but I am reasonably sure that this is still a point of contention within official Christendom (to whatever extent that actually exists, these day)?
And the Greeks, it seems, went even further with that – I read a blog the other day which referred to Aristotle, who posited that there were three distinct levels of souls … https://lucid-being.com/2019/04/24/aristotles-human-soul/
Still pondering that one …
Oh boy. Such hard questions. If by soul we mean a life sanctified and blessed by God (as opposed to an internal and eternal property within the self), then I believe dogs and cats indeed have souls, as does the entire created world, which teems with God’s good purposes.
I am so sorry for the loss of your cat.
God is beyond to be described by humans.silence is not lack of answer p-d is right
May I say, because I also gave a dog who is, I believe, an angel from God; that all good things proceed from the heart of God, and when he chooses, he calls them back home to his heart. In due time we will meet again in eternity where God says that it has not entered into the mind of man the beautiful blessings he has prepared for those that love him!
Thank you, Ron.
Great post. I look forward to reading more of your wonderful writing.
What a beautiful eulogy for Scruffy the dog. So sorry for your loss.
I have lost two dogs over the years and each has been a traumatic and terrible experience. Dogs are such loving companions and respite from this crazy world in which we live. While I am not a religious person, really, I do have the hope that at least I might meet them again someday, somehow. Maybe that’s just a fantasy, but I’m open-minded to at least have that possibility hanging there. My wife recently lost her father, who was quite ill near the end, and we do find some comfort in the hope that he might be fit and well and healthy in another place, and that our two dogs are there waiting for him and taking him for walks in Paradise. We have to cling to something.
Thank you. I am so sorry for the loss of your dogs.
I have a feeling you will meet your beloveds again someday, somehow. I think that holding onto that hope is the one thing that keeps us going in our hours of despair.
Thank you, Louisa! I agree!
I too have recently lost my pup, not because he died, but because of an ended abusive relationship. Somehow that makes it worse, knowing he’s running in a park somewhere with his adorable ‘running face’ and I can’t see it or call his name or get my puppy cuddles. I miss him more than anything.
Thank you. I am sorry for your loss.
This is such an awesome post – though I am so sorry for your loss. For me it was a cat named Moppet – I took the name from a very old book where it was used as an affectionate nickname for a child. We had her for 11 years – years both blessed and poignant now.
Thanks for sharing, our pets really are part of our families.
Thank you so much, Carol. I am sorry for the loss of your Moppet.
Thank you, Jane – that was many years ago, but we still think of her often and with great fondness. We were blessed to have had her.
What a great dog! His name is perfect. I know that dogs love to choose their names and I think your son was able to pick up on exactly the name he had chosen for himself. I am so sorry that he died but he had a wonderful life with you and your family. It’s so hard coping with the death of a beloved. The empty house is often the very worst thing of all x
Thank you, Louisa! Just got a new puppy, whom we all named Leonard. Hope he will make it his own. House is filled again with joy because of four little paws!