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Posts Tagged ‘family’

It has been now nearly a year since I gave birth to my son.  The pregnancy itself, though within the range of normal and healthy, was a completely miserable experience.  I wanted it to be over as soon as possible and then never wanted to do it again, ever.  When asked about how I was anticipating birth to be, I usually answered that I wasn’t nervous at all.  I didn’t know why everyone kept asking about it since, really, how hard could it be?  It would only last one (or two?) days and I would have a lot of support around me.  What made pregnancy so difficult for me was the monotony of feeling awful and alone nearly every day for nine months.

Fairly late in my pregnancy I had a meeting with a faculty member who was advising me on something related to my dissertation project on the topic of sexual trauma.  At the end of the meeting she said to me, “Speaking of trauma, when are you due?”  I was taken off guard by her comment.  As one who I know takes seriously the horrors of sexual abuse and rape (and as one who has given birth herself), I was surprised by the apparent casualness with which she seemed to equate childbirth and a violent act of personal violation.  It was meant partly as a joke, I know.  And, probably it was not an entirely thoughtful or sensitive one either.  But as I would come to find out, there was something true about it. (more…)

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Last week I wrote about Anne-Marie’s Slaughter’s piece “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All.” In this post, I attempted to highlight the problematic gender assumptions undergirding Slaughter’s argument, the most important one being the uncritical claim that women qua women feel a strong, natural, “maternal” imperative to think about the family/work balance differently, and better, than men naturally do. (more…)

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This is the seventh in a series of posts featuring some women’s experience with natural family planning.  To read previous posts, click here.  To read the post that originally inspired this project, click here.  To read about the purpose of and ground rules for this project, click here.

X’s Story

When my husband and I graduated from college about 15 years ago, we belonged to a perhaps unusual social group (although not that unusual if you hang around Catholic colleges): we and a bunch of our friends were getting married in our early twenties and were gung-ho for NFP. We had heard lots of talks about the evils of contraception and many testamonials about the wonders NFP did for marriage. Above all we were eager to live as young Catholics who were faithful to the Church.

However, almost all of our cohort of friends, including us, abandoned the practice of NFP within a few years because of the strain to our marriages. This wasn’t the healthy strain and struggle of trying to live virtuously. It was the strain of doing something that was actively hurting our relationships.

For some it was the way it led to poor decisions about when to have children. (One marriage was struggling and close to failing and the couple chose to risk conception so that they could have greater intimacy and bonding during that difficult time in their relationship. The added strain of the child they conceived to the problems they already had was the last straw in their marriage.)

For others it had to do with the inability to work through sexual problems (e.g. painful intercourse) because NFP required long periods of abstinence when they couldn’t do the exercises their therapist was recommending.

For another couple it had to do with the wife’s irregular cycles that would frequently mean going for months without intercourse.

Even now, I know my husband and I would never go back. We have four young kids and are exhausted at the end of most days. The chances for all the stars to align for us to be sexually intimate are rare enough as it is without more days blocked out by the NFP calendar. I don’t think anyone can accuse us of not being open to life (heck, we are even thinking about going for #5), but I think NFP at this point would mean sacrificing the unitive part of our marriage. So we are contracepting for the sake of our marriage.

There are lots of people who have had good experiences with NFP. But there are also a lot of people who have whole heartedly embraced it and had very negative experiences. (And I should add: for some, this has broken their relationship with the Church because of the resentment they feel about this and/or their ongoing sense of being rejected for doing what was best for their marriage.) The Church really needs to listen to the experiences of both groups.

I have found that priests and bishops are quick to trumpet NFP success stories and quick to discount stories where NFP had a negative impact. They assume the couple just wasn’t trying hard enough. Clearly, this is not always the case.

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This is the third in a series of posts featuring some women’s experience with natural family planning.  The first two stories can be read here and here.  For the post that originally inspired this project, click here.  To read about the purpose of and ground rules for this project, click here.

The following was very generously provided to me by Catherine Osborne, a PhD candidate in the history of Christianity at Fordham University.  Several years ago, Osborne co-edited  a sourcebook on American Catholic history entitledAmerican Catholic History: A Documentary Reader An edited version of Patty Crowley‘s 1965 speech to the Papal Birth Control Commission is included in that book.  Osborne sent me Crowley’s speech so that I could post it here on the blog.  Osborne also wrote a brief history of the Papal Birth Control Commission and the Patty Crowley’s participation in it, which appears below.


Patty Crowley and the Papal Birth Control Commission

The history of the Pontifical Commission for the Study of Population, Family and Births (which is usually referred to as the Papal Birth Control Commission (BCC)) isn’t secret at all, but it’s also probably not quite as well known as it should be.

The backstory to the BCC is the Catholic Church’s longstanding opposition to the use of contraception, which was reaffirmed by Pius XI in Casti Connubii (1930) in response to the Anglican Church’s decision to allow it within marriage.  The innovation introduced in Casti Connubii was that the use of ‘rhythm’ was to be allowed–it had not been prior to this.

The debate over contraception was reopened due to the invented of the Pill, but the Second Vatican Council did not take up the question; it was reserved for the specially created BCC, which met five times from 1963 to 1966.  It grew to 72 members over time.

In the last meeting, the four married women members addressed the entire meeting.  Marie Rendu, a Frenchwoman who was a promoter of rhythm, argued that “periodic continence can and does work.”

J.F. Kulanday of New Delhi, India, a nurse as well as a mother, told the commission that based on her surveys of Indian women, “women desire intercourse in marriage.  It binds the husband and wife together…intercourse…keeps their love aflame.”

Colette Potvin, from Canada, mother of five and veteran of three miscarriages and a hysterectomy, later recalled that when it was her turn to speak, “I felt like I was naked up there.  But it seemed to me we hadn’t been asking the right questions at the Commission.  When you die, God is going to say, ‘Did you love?’ He isn’t going to say, “Did you take your temperature?” [Potvin's speech is excerpted in Robert McClory's Turning Point: The Inside Story of the Papal Birth Control Commission, 105-106.] Per McClory: ‘A long silence followed [her speech]. It was broken by de Riedmatten: ‘This,’ he said, ‘is why we wanted to have couples on our Commission.’”

Potvin’s survey of 319 French Canadian couples, presented to the Commission, indicated that 7 percent were “fully satisfied with the Church’s current marriage doctrine” while half “found rhythm ‘an anguished and difficult task’” and the great majority said that they did not experience growth “because much of their time ‘is spent in the great struggle to avoid the failure of rhythm.’” (107).

The longest speech was Patty Crowley‘s.  Crowley, along with her husband Pat, were the head of the worldwide Christian Family Movement, and she based her speech partly on the results of a survey of her membership.  To read the post featuring Crowley’s speech, click here.

Ultimately, only four members of the commission dissented from the majority’s conclusion that artificial contraception within marriage should be allowed.  (The majority’s final report to Paul VI, “On Responsible Parenthood,” is included in an appendix in McClory.) Acting against the commission’s rules, Jesuit John Ford and the other three dissenters submitted a so-called ‘minority report’ in favor of retaining the existing teaching.  The result of Paul VI’s decision in favor of the minority position was, of course, Humanae Vitae. 

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As some of you probably remember, about a year ago, we at WIT published a post entitled “Women Speak About Natural Family Planning.”  When I wrote the post, I was expecting it to be controversial and indeed it remains among our most commented-on posts.

But something happened that I was not expecting.   Women started writing in, sharing not their opinions but their stories.  They spoke of the toll adhering to the church’s teaching on contraception took on their physical and mental health as well as their marriages.

I found these stories to be incredibly moving and incredibly important.  And I realized that there really is nowhere that Catholic women (and men!) can share their stories about things like this with each other.  Catholic couples struggling with this issue typically have to deal with it privately without the guidance and support of their communities.  Just when these couples are most in need of their communities is when they find themselves most alienated from them. (more…)

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In addition to being used as an argument against artificial birth control and women’s ordination, sexual complementarity is also put forth as an argument against the goodness of same-sex relationships.

According to this thinking, the procreative compatibility of male and female reproductive organs is a type of microcosm and symbol of the compatibility between man and woman as a whole.  This argument has three general parts: one, it is only because men’s and women’s genitalia and reproductive organs are different that they are able to co-operate in the creation of new human life; two, this anatomical difference serves as symbol and revelation of the sexual differentiation that extends across the depths and breadths of human personhood—men, as people, are different from women in the way that penises are from vaginas (meaning all men are different from all women in the same uniform and sexually distinctive ways), and three, because only sexually different people can procreate and because this sexual difference symbolizes the difference between men and women as people, only sexually different people (that is, only men and women) are capable of the type of compatibility aka complementarity required to be in a relationship of sexual love and fidelity. (more…)

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If we listen to the stories of all women, not just those for whom natural family planning works in the way that the magisterium says that it does, we will see that natural family planning is not always good.  In fact, in some cases, it is natural family planning, rather than artificial birth control, that is harmful to marriage and families.

In her article, “Papal Ideals, Marital Realities: One View From the Ground,” Northwestern professor Cristina Traina critiques magisterial teaching on sex and marriage, especially as it relates to artificial contraception and sexual complementarity, from the standpoint of her experience as a married, Catholic woman.   Her argument is not so much theological as it is practical— she offers her experience as evidence that church teaching on marriage and sex does not always “work,” and in some cases can actually harm, rather than protect, particular marriages.   This approach is particularly effective since the magisterium often argues that contraception and betrayal of gender roles do great harm to marriage and family. (more…)

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In light of the traditional connection between Lenten fasting and care of the poor, I’d encourage everyone to take a look at Jamie Manson’s powerful essay, “The ‘Most Dangerous Place’ is Outside the Womb.” One of the perennial issues that arises with exhortations to almsgiving is the question of whether, by simply “giving money,” we are actually doing anything to alleviate the structures that produce poverty in the first place–or whether we’re really just assuaging our guilt and crafting a reason to think highly of ourselves.

Under the umbrella of almsgiving, we might also group those non-monetary ways that we seek to address social justice issues, such as supporting causes with our time, intellectual work, or vocal advocacy.  (My guess is that for most people in the theo-blogosphere, who are probably grad students, much philanthropy tends to take this latter form.)  The same caveat that applies to the mere giving of money as a response to poverty also applies to our non-monetary “philanthropy.”  In the same way that writing a $50 check to a random charity can breed self-satisfaction and even encourage neglect of the complexities of social misery, so too can the uncritical promotion of causes that ostensibly seek to defend “the least of these.” (more…)

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Often, the fact that, in Scripture, the first human beings were a man (Adam) and a woman (Eve) and that this man and woman had a sexual relationship is assumed to be clear and irrefutable evidence that homosexuality is wrong.   Presumably, “Adam and Eve” seem like such an airtight argument against “Adam and Steve” or “Elizabeth and Eve” because it is somehow thought that the procreative heterosexuality of Adam and Eve is a universal model that all human beings must follow without exception.   The Catholic church’s centuries’ old practice of clerical celibacy (not to mention the example of Jesus Christ himself) alone demonstrates that this is not true.  (See also “‘Deus Caritas Est’ and the Queerness of God’s Love“).  However, the recent papal tendency to give interpretive priority to Genesis 2 over Genesis 1 also helps us understand why the “firstness” and even the necessary “firstness” of a “heterosexual” couple is not at all incompatible with the “goodness” of homosexuality.

In his encyclical, Deus Caritas Est, Pope Benedict argues that, in Genesis, it is clear that God created sex for persons.  Sex was a way to fulfill Adam’s distinct personhood.   In Benedict’s interpretation, “the biblical account of creation speaks of the solitude of Adam…and God’s decision to give him a helper[1].” God decides to give Adam a helper only because none of the other non-human creatures are “capable of being the helper that man needs, even though he has assigned a name to all the wild beasts and birds and thus made them fully a part of his life.”   The word Benedict uses next is crucial: “so God forms a woman from the rib of man[2].”   In Benedict’s view, the partnership between Adam and Eve, which Benedict somewhat anachronistically calls “marriage,” is interpreted to be erotic and sexual from the beginning, and occurs not because only heterosexual sex is moral, but because this partnership, of which sexual union is a real and essential part, fulfills Adam’s, and to a lesser extent, Eve’s personhood.  According to Benedict, it is clear that God created a certain person first—Adam–and then created human sexuality as a means to fulfill the needs of this particular person.

In comparison to the tradition, this interpretation is really quite radical—its unintended implications on assessing the morality of homosexual sex are equally radical.  God “created” heterosexual sex only because it was good for Adam.  Moreover, God “created” heterosexual sex because, without it, Adam was disconcertingly unhappy.  According to Benedict’s interpretation, if Adam could be fulfilled and satisfied by the company of God and the animals, it seems as though God would not have created sex.   Now, if the church had not already conceded the existence both of homosexuality and homosexual persons[3], this interpretation would be irrelevant to assessing the morality of homosexual acts.  Given that the church has conceded the existence of homosexual persons (in other words, at the official level at least, the church councils celibacy rather than change to homosexual persons), Benedict’s interpretation of the genesis of sex requires that the church ask what is good for homosexual persons.  It is clear that, although the magisterium asserts, “homosexual activity prevents one’s own fulfillment and happiness by acting contrary to the creative wisdom of God[4],” they have not really looked to see whether or not this statement is actually true, instead they have assumed it to be true based upon their belief that it contradicts “the creative wisdom of God[5].”

In other words, the church must relate to homosexual persons in the same way that God related to Adam.   In order to enable Adam’s flourishing, God had to abandon God’s preconceived notions about the good.  At first, God thought that Adam’s solitude would not be an impediment to Adam’s flourishing, and God therefore thought that Adam’s relationships to God and non-human creation would be enough to make him happy.  Through time, it was clear that Adam’s needs were not being met.  Rather than telling Adam the Edenic equivalent of “bear the cross[6],” God created something new, Eve, and with her, inter-human relationality of all kinds—friendship, kinship, and both homosexual and heterosexual relationality.   As Benedict shows, sex did not exist in the mind of God before God created Adam; rather, sex was a Divine innovation ordered towards the fulfillment of human needs.   In other words, Adam was not created in conformity to some pre-existing sexual ideal; rather, God “created” sex and human relationships of all kinds in conformity to God’s discovery of Adam’s good.

Because Benedict privileges the second creation story as interpretively prior to the first creation story, it is therefore possible to interpret God’s command to “be fruitful and multiply,” which appears in the first creation story, not as an absolute and universally-binding command[7], but as a consequence of God’s recognition that it is “not good” for persons “to be alone.”[8] In this way, not counting God’s pseudo-parthenogenetic creation of Eve from Adam’s body or non-sexual conception of Jesus Christ, procreation is the only way to ensure that human beings are “not alone.”  In this way, we see that sexual procreation and the heterosexual desire which facilitates it are “first” not because, as Benedict assumes, it is the only way by which human beings become complete, but quite simply because it is the means through which God has chosen to bring new people into existence.  The essential importance of heterosexual sex to the human species does not mean that it is the only type of relationship vital to human flourishing[9] (even devoted spouses need friends and extended family, for example) or that human flourishing of particular individuals is impossible without it—as demonstrated by the examples of gays and lesbians and those called to celibacy.  In this way, the heterosexuality of the first human beings need not be interpreted as evidence that only heterosexual sex is fully human.


[1] Deus Caritas Est. par. 11

[2] Deus Caritas Est par. 11

[3] while in the Catechism, the church hedges a bit on this, referring to “homosexual tendencies,” (2358) the church nonetheless admits that these tendencies are “deep-seated.”  Moreover, I argue that this concession, along with the church’s use of the phrase “homosexual persons” (see: the “Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic Church on the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons”) suggests that the church accepts the reality of homosexuality as therefore the existence of homosexual persons.  This view is also supported by the fact that the church proposes celibacy rather than re-orientation as the solution to homosexuality.

[4] Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic Church on the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons, par. 7

[5] Moreover, as I have demonstrated throughout this paper, even this assumption—that homosexual sex contradicts the creative wisdom of God—has not been established satisfactorily.

[6] Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic Church on the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons. Par. 12 John Paul II writes, “homosexual persons are called to enact the will of God in their life by joining whatever sufferings and difficulties they experience in virtue of their condition to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross”

[7] clearly, Pope Benedict’s celibacy is evidence that he also does not interpret this command in this way

[8] Genesis 2:18

[9] Benedict’s argument that “only in communion with the opposite sex can [man] become ‘complete’” seems to suggest as much.  Deus Caritas Est

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Although the magisterium of the Catholic church insists that violence against homosexuals is always wrong, it also depicts homosexuals as a grave threat to society: homosexual unions do “violence” to children raised within these unions[1], homosexuals are a threat to any child and for this reason they should not be teachers or coaches[2], and “even when the practice of homosexuality may seriously threaten the lives and well-being of a large number of people, its advocates remain undeterred and refuse to consider the magnitude of the risks involved[3]”.  Clearly, according to the magisterium, homosexuality is itself a violent attack upon society—at times, homosexuality is explicitly likened to violence.  Thus, it is not surprising that the church reaches the following conclusion about homosexuality: “when homosexual activity is consequently not condoned…neither the church nor society at large should be surprised when other distorted and irrational practices gain ground and irrational and violent reactions increase[4]”.  In other words, the magisterium believes homosexuality to be a type of contagion that unleashes a host of disorders upon society.  In addition to being disturbed by the fact that the magisterium’s moral assessment of homosexuality is based upon a complete disregard for the lived reality of lesbian and gay existence, we should also be troubled by the implication that violence is the expected and even appropriate response to homosexuality.

It should also be remembered that this statement implying that the violence is a reasonable response to the homosexual “invasion” was written in 1986, a time in which gays and lesbians had few if any legal rights or protections.  In most parts of the United States, for example, homosexuality itself was illegal.  In other words, this letter was written in reaction to events like the decriminalization of homosexuality in a very small number of countries.

Moreover, despite the church’s repeated condemnation of violence against homosexuals, it is telling that the magisterium (to my knowledge) has never issued a pastoral letter or any official statement of any kind condemning any specific act of violence against any homosexual person.  This is all the more telling given that the Vatican as well as various bishops’ conferences released very pointed and direct condemnations of civic legislation to allow same-sex marriage.  In light of the magisterium’s claim that all “unjust discrimination” against “homosexual persons” is wrong, one wonders, what, if anything, is an example of such unjust discrimination?


[1] Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops. “Pastoral Letter Regarding Same-Sex Marriage.”  Origins 32 #27. (22 Nov. 2002).

[2] Vatican. “Discrimination Versus Homosexuals.” (22 July 1992).

[3] Vatican. “Care of Homosexual Persons.” (1 Oct. 1986).

[4] Vatican. “Care of Homosexual Persons.” (1 Oct. 1986).

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